Poem: Hiroshima No Pika

Comments

[this is good]
Wow. I especially love the lines "Once I realized how many/ Children became lanterns". I did a book report on Enola Gay in 6th grade and was marked forever by it. It is the story of one of the pilots, but the horror and terror of Hiroshima hit me profoundly. This is a fabulous poem and well-deserving of awards. You should consider being part of the Vox Lit Liberation Front.

Thank you for your kind words. I will join the Liberation, and put you in my neighborhood. Reading this book gave me an obsessive interest in the Japanese bombings and nuclear war in general. Actually, I should say that the obsessive interest was almost masochistic: I was terrified about what I was reading, but I couldn't stop. I've read accounts from the men on the Enola Gay, and have been floored, time and again, by their harrowing narratives.

I am inexplicable perturbed by the phrase "a flare of radiance", but other than that minor quibble I approve of this poem.

*stamps poem "approved"*

Hmmm. I've never noticed that before. "Flare of radiance" is redundant and rather sucky. How can I improve that?

I don't know...

The problem, for me, I think, is that the phrase seems show-offy. Rather than just writing, "a flash of light", you wrote "a flare of radiance", and while they both mean the same thing, the simpler phrase holds more power. However, I understand that this is poetry, not prose, and "flash of light" is, as a phrase, a cliche.

Basically, I can't help you. Poetry isn't what I do well. I just know that it bugged me.

I like it a lot apart from that one tiny thing.

I am going to have to ponder this overnight, at least, I think.

But thanks for bringing it to my attention.

And for liking it anyway. :)

[this is good]
Very moving imagery. Thanks for sharing your gift.
SWEET.
[this is good]
Great poem! It really creates compassion and consternation. And I think this will happen also when teenagers read this poem who sometimes have not heared of Hiroshima or Nagasaki before. As I'm going to be a teacher and we are doing a webquest about Japan I wanted to know, if it would be possible to use this poem.

Hi Patricia. Yes, you may use this poem if you like. Please PM me about it.
[this is good]
Hi! Such a great poem! I read it on my podcast (http://olivertwistor.libsyn.com). I hope that's okay. I linked back here in my show notes.
[this is good]
I really like your poem.
[this is good]
] I really like your poem. I went to Hiroshima in junior high school (over a summer) and I remember the shock/awareness that the shadows on the buildings were from people. The part about light searing off skin and leaving these shadows is very moving and also an image/experience I remember from my trip. Thanks for publishing your poem. It really resonates with me.
hello good page another good invention is the Canadian Online Pharmacies get medications from home
hey people great blog The part about light searing off skin and leaving these shadows is very moving and also an image/experience I remember from my trip. Thanks for publishing your poem. It really resonates with me.also let me tell you Buy Generic products is basically the same both have great results

Post a comment

Already a Vox member? Sign in

Sara

About Me

Sara
United States
Praestet fides supplementum, sensuum defectui.

My Groups

Neighborhood

Explore friends, family, friends & family, or entire neighborhood.

Archives

  • Powered by Vox